6 shits.
I am so sad. I'm down. I couldn't seem to find happiness from anyone. You wanna know why? 1.Sarah told me last two days that Ms Nuraini is her tuition teacher. The thing that I'm down is that, why is she telling me now? The conversation goes like this.
Sarah: "Ena. kalau Sarah blg ni, ena jgn marah tao."
Me: "Ah. ok ape dier?"
Sarah: "Ni cuma Yana aje tahu. Jgn blg sesape2. & sape2 pon tak tahu."
Me: "ok."
Sarah: "Sarah tuition dgn Ms Nuraini since July. Abeh yang Sarah balik cepat, ena tanye sarah nak gi mane, abeh sarah kata Mak sarah suroh balik, tu sume tipu. Actually, sarah ade tuition dgn dier."
Me: "ok. Abeh?"
The thing is, I'm upset why didn't she told me earlier. Aku nak marah buat ape? I got nothing to do with Ms Nuraini. Kirekan ape? she is my EX-TUITOR, & so I was supposed to be MAD ah? You want to learn with her per. I told myself already what, I couldn't take it Ms Nuraini pey ajar. & AKU SENDIRI WANTED TO QUIT THE TUITION. So what's the problem? I just don't understand. It's not that I'm upset why she had to take Ms Nuraini as her tuitor BUT I'm upset WHY; It seems like, SHE couldn't trust me. & what's all those BESTFRIEND are for? Buat hiasan? I sacrifice my time to went out with you to the library accompany you eventhough I'm sick & this is what I get in return?(kalau ikut hati, I'm tired & I wanna have a good sleep)
2.Yesterday, I went out with Sarah & Yana. I don't know why but I feel awkward. Sarah & Yana deserved to be together without me in anyway. I am there when they need help, need something to talk about. I think they had forgotten that I'd helped them alot in many things. Doing friendster skin & all. & I still remember, I help to get back the Friendship between Roz & Sarah. I feel left out yst at Mc Cafe. They took pictures without me. They laughed without me. They gossip about girls at Friendster with me (READ: FORCE with me). I feel like a doll. They wants me to follow them, but when I did, they simply didn't treat me like how they treat each other. Yana know I was down. But did Sarah?
3.Back home, Mom wanted to 'bentang tilam' at the HALL. I was 'baring' on the carpet watching TV. Mom said, "Ena, sane ena. Mak nak tido pat situ." (Sambil kluarkan Tilam) Then I said lah, "Mak kan slalu tido dalam. Asal tido luar?" Then Dad menyampok saying, "JGN KURANG AJAR BOLEH TAK?!"
Tell me people, is my saying is RUDE? :( I went to Nas Room & lying beside the cupboard without any TILAM or BANTAL.
4.I was crying & crying while listening to Jiwang. I cried till 3AM cause I'm waiting for BeauBoi to call (AS PROMISE). & so, I decided to call him. He was sleeping. MY HEART SANK. If you decided to sleep, why didn't you tell me earlier? I cried again & listen to Jiwang. Soon after, I fell asleep.
5.I woke up in the morning without talking to anyone in the house. I'm still dissapointed with my parents. So, I sleep back. When I wake up, I saw Hakim (Nas's Friend) siap-ing. I asked him where's my family & he said they went to MAKAN. WHAT THE HECK? AM I A THIN AIR? WHY DIDN'T THEY WAKE ME UP & ALLOW ME TO GO WITH THEM? I burst into tears again. Incoincidence, Pisz msged me, "tengah buat ape? da mkn?" I told him belom (cause it's TRUE that I havn't) & I blurt everything out to him.
WHO AM I TO THE FAMILY PEOPLE? :(
6.When I told BeauBoi all about this, he said, "Ok syg. Ni benda kecik aje. NANTI kita gi makan ok?" Ok fine. I'm waiting to meet him. He called me just now at 4 plus telling me that, he DECIDED to meet me tomorrow. my heart sank again. I'm excitedly waiting to have lunch with him & meet him to enlighten a lil bit of my day, but then, *sigh* it didn't happen.
WHO AM I TO LOOK FOR? FAMILY & BEAUBOI IS DEFINITELY NOT THERE FOR ME. :(
I'm just an entertainer to the people around. They will only see my laughters & jokes. BUT do they care about my feelings?
Is this the gift that I get on National Day?
Ya ya, Happy National Day. Haix.
I'm crying.